“In family relationships, love is really spelled T.I.M.E.” – Dieter F. Uchtdorf
It’s been a tough year for extended families. To get together or not to get together? Events and family gatherings we have taken for granted all our lives are now questions of should you or shouldn’t you do them. Reunions have been postponed a year. Birthdays celebrated without as much fanfare. Hugs and kisses put aside for air hugs and kisses thrown through the air. Somehow as nice as those are, they aren’t anywhere as good as real hugs. Even harder than those are the fears that perhaps you won’t have another chance for those hugs. You or your loved ones might catch this dreadful virus and be one of those who can’t fight it off. One of those who might have to lose someone without being able to be with them in their last days or moments.
Every year for at least the last ten or so years (I’ve lost count), Darrell and his brothers and sister have rented a house and gone on a trip together. For a few days we just sit around and chat about this or that. We share about our kids and grandkids. We pull our phones out and show pictures of the grandkids and do a little grandmom and granddad bragging. We talk about how old we’re getting and then laugh at all the stories and memories we’ve shared through the years together. Darrell’s sister has been married the longest, around sixty years now, but Darrell and I aren’t far behind. Some of us play cards or games and since we were often on these trips during the World Series, the guys watched the games and sometimes pulled for different teams. But in a friendly way.
We cooked all our meals and gathered around the table together to talk while we ate. That’s the best time for sharing those old stories of their times growing up and their mom and dad. Some of the stories got repeated every year and that was fine. We were glad to hear them again. Then we did some front porch sitting too where the talk could meander down many trails. We even have some fun stories we tell again about these family trips like the time a bear came and peeked in our glass sliding door. My brother-in-law just casually said there’s a bear at the door. And there was.
I thought of this after my daughter and son-in-law came for a visit and we sat around the table talking about nothing. At least nothing earth-shaking. But then talk with your family doesn’t have to shake the earth. It can just be easy and comfortable words to tie us together.
When I’m writing a new story, I love it when my characters start talking. While their words might need to be more than chitchat and something to keep the story moving, they can still bond as a fictional family by talking. Just as we can bond with our own family with talking.
I can remember when I used to sit my first child out in my lap when he was still a baby and we talked. His babbling might have been a little hard to interpret, but it was music to a mama’s ears. Those kids calling home to talk still bring smiles. We do at least have ways to keep in touch with the pandemic still going on. We won’t get to take our sibling trip this year but we won’t forget. We’ll put it back on the “to do” list as soon as we can.
What are some things you’ve missed because of the pandemic?
“The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other.” – Mario Puzo
Comments 14
I have missed church services and all the activities I was involved in that revolved around church, being with friends, traveling to visit families in other states, and possibly, basketball games and plays that our high-school grandsons are involved in this year. I do love the front porch story. We don’t do much of that here in summer in South Texas due to the heat, but when I was a child living in other states, summer evenings on the porch are a pleasant memory.
Author
So many things to miss, Lynda. Our church has canceled a number of things and looks as though more are going to be canceled with the virus surging here in Kentucky. I guess air conditioning and televisions have done more to end front porch talking than anything else. People sat on the porch to escape the heat and it become a place for entertainment of neighbors talking and something sharing music. Now we look to electronics for our entertainment.
We are not having our annual get together Christmas dinner this year for my husband’s family of his 13 brothers and sisters with children and grandchildren. Maybe next year.
Author
We haven’t talked about it yet, Connie, but I feel we won’t be able to have ours either and I hate that. It’s going to be really difficult to not have family gatherings at Thanksgiving and Christmas. Who would have thought we’d face that kind of problem.
I miss going out to lunch with my best friend once a month.
Author
Those lunches and dinners out with friends are sorely missed, Sue. I hope you will soon be able to have those lunch dates again soon.
I miss being able to spend time with my brother. I remember when we were talking after my mother died. We were hit with two things. We were now orphans and we had become the older generation as Mother was the last of her siblings.
I really like that front porch. It reminds me of my aunt’s cabin in the woods.
Author
The porch is on a cabin in the Smokies that we rented for a weekend trip with the siblings for several years, Nancy. It got to feeling like home in the mountains, and it was a great place to sit and talk while looking out over the mountain view. One reason we decided to do the trips was so that we could stay close about my mother-in-law and father-in-law died. So often siblings drift apart once that happens and we wanted to keep the family ties close.
I enjoyed reading this so much , Ann. It was almost like when my brother, sister-in- law , my husband and I go on trips together.We usually just sit around the cabin and eat and talk, go to out of the way places, and eat and talk some more.
We have missed all that this year, we just do yard visits now with them because he works in the public so much and I am considered high risk with half my right lung being removed a few years ago due to Melanoma cancer.
We also missed our birthday with our kids, we did it through video chat.Those birthdays were back in April when things seemed so scary. We did do a yard visit for our daughters birthday that was also in April. A mama needs to see her children on their birthdays if they can.My other two children had birthday before the pandemic was known.
Another thing we missed this year was my husband’s family reunions on both his mom and dad’s sides.His parents are gone now but we still gather with family, at least until this year.
We missed a lot of Sunday’s at church but my Oncologist has now gave me her blessing to attend church with masks of course.
We have opened up our circle slowly as time has gone by but we are very careful.
Even with all that, we have had a great year. We have learned whats important and how blessed we really are. God has been so good to us.
Author
You have a great attitude, Lisa. Good for you. And I do so agree that a mama needs to see her kids on their birthdays. I don’t get to do that anymore since a couple of my kids live in other states, but I do miss being able to have a birthday dinner for them. One kid lives close by so he has to have birthday dinners for all of them. 🙂
Our little church has missed so many good times of getting together this year, but as you say, it’s a time to be cautious and take precautions to keep from getting ill. Unfortunately church has been where some have caught the virus. So far we’ve been okay at our church, but there are so few of us attending right now that we have no problem social distancing. And we were masks.
We haven’t gotten together with my father in law, as often as I’d have liked to this year. He’s nearly 80 and lives alone, we just want to keep him safe. He wants to be safe, but doesn’t want to go without seeing us, either. Hubby and I are both only children and my parents are already gone, so it’s just the three of us.
We purchased theme park season passes at the end of last season, for this year. We’re not the types that might go one or two times and call it good. We went once a week last year from March thru 2nd week of Dec, (we live close enough to be able to go regularly). It was great, we hold hands as we walk around the park (it’s a smaller, Midwest park). We have a specific routine for park days. We refuse to go and be forced to wear a mask all day. It’s too hot and too uncomfortable. We didn’t go once this year, have rolled our passes over into 2021 passes and hope for a better year next year. This year they delayed park opening until late June. Maybe we’ll get a good year in next time.
Author
That’s too bad about not getting to see your father-in-law, Tina. It becomes a bad if you do and bad if you don’t when talking about our older relatives. When you think about how many more years we have left, and none of us can know that for sure, we hate to see a year slide away with those good family visits. I do hope next year will be better and that you will get to enjoy your theme park again and enjoy visiting with friends and your dad-in-law too.
While my daughter and her boyfriend live in the same city with us and we see them often, I’ve missed seeing my one remaining sibling, who lives a couple of states away with her husband. One of her daughters and some of her grandchildren live fairly near her. We’ve been in the habit of getting together at least with my sister about once a year; however, we had to cancel our joint trip planned for this past summer. We do email and talk on the telephone despite all the lock downs and travel bans.
Author
That sounds like us, Suzanne, with having to cancel our sibling trip. We did get together for a yard visit once this year but although we all live fairly close together we haven’t seen each other except that one time. I miss feeling free to visit my son and daughter who live in other states too. It’s just been a bummer of a year for getting together with loved ones.